HOW DO YOU ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE?

My heart is broken and bleeding. I am sick to my stomach and feel a sense of horror and dread, I want to stop the world, I want to get off it with my little family and find somewhere that is beautiful and where we can be alone. I did something I know I should…

EXCUSE ME?! I AM NOT “JUST” A MUM!

When people ask me what I do, I usually reply with a self depreciating “Oh, I’m just a mum”. Umm, please wait right there while I inner monologue, “EXCUSE ME?! ‘JUST’ A MUM?! What am I saying? No, I might not be working secularly at the moment, but I’m not “just” an anything. Why do…

WHERE DO YOU FIT, IF YOU DON’T FIT IN?

A simple question innocently asked by my son, “Mum, did you fit in when you were my age?”. The flood of painful emotions that washed over me and threatened to overwhelm me was shocking. The truth is that “No. I did not fit in at your age. I have not really fit in anywhere, at…

AN HOUR IN THE MIND OF A TRIGGERED GERMAPHOBE

Hello, I am Kat, and I am a germaphobe. I am terrified of breathing in public areas, shopping trolleys, public toilets, doors that pull instead of push, taps that turn, eating out, utensils on counter tops, food on display, childrens play areas, toys and magazines in waiting rooms – especially doctors waiting rooms, sharing drinks,…

RAISING HAPPY CHILDREN WHO ARE INFORMED ABOUT DEPRESSION

Most would agree that while being a good parent is a challenging job, being a good parent while having mental health issues of your own is a task that is no easy feat. I used to feel terrible for bringing my beautiful children into the world – not because I do not want them, I…

IT MIGHT SEEM RIDICULOUS, BUT FOR ME THE FEAR IS VERY REAL

When you have obsessive fears, little things can become really out of proportion. Those of us who have O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) know about how encompassing and embarrassing this can be, but we struggle to rationalize when our obsessions and compulsions take control. For me, my fear is contagious germs – the type that cause…

HOW MY PTSD AFFECTED MY BIRTHING EXPERIENCE

What seems like just yesterday I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was a gorgeous baby, perfect in every way, my husband and I had wanted to start a family as soon as we’d been married but had waited 5 years, so we were so excited to be finally pregnant and could not…

MY HYSTERECTOMY MADE ME FEEL SOMETHING UNEXPECTED

In 2014, at 29, I had a complete hysterectomy. But what I experienced next was a shock, please, let me explain. From the age of 10 I had experienced heavy and painful periods, by the time I was in my teens they were much worse, I was chronically anemic and no amount of iron tablets…

FEELING LIKE A BAD MUM BECAUSE OF PHYSICAL AND MENTAL PAIN

What happens when chronic physical and mental pain collide? Nothing. Literally. Nothing. You are too exhausted to move, everything feels impossible, the simple act of getting up to get yourself a cup of tea becomes as mammoth of a task as running a marathon (without training for it). You reach the end of the day…

THE DAY MY SON BROKE MY HEART

Anyone who is a parent can tell you that it is a hard, and often thankless job, but that it comes with the most massive of rewards and they would not change it for the world. One of the hardest thing I have to deal with as a parent though, is the fear that my…

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: A LETTER

Dear Husband I wanted to write this letter to thank you for all you have done for me. For your patience, your love, and your understanding, for never giving up on me, even when I have given up on myself. The past few years have been darkly difficult for me, but I know they have…