WHAT IT MEANS TO LET GO

Today I was assured that it is okay to let go of the past. What? Wait? Let go of the past? But the past makes me who I am now, that might not be a great reference for my past – I’m battered and bruised emotionally and I’d wager, fairly heavily medicated. But I think…

HOW DO YOU ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE?

My heart is broken and bleeding. I am sick to my stomach and feel a sense of horror and dread, I want to stop the world, I want to get off it with my little family and find somewhere that is beautiful and where we can be alone. I did something I know I should…

WHEN I QUESTION MY RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

I’m feeling really “flat” today. To be honest though – I have been feeling this way for a few days, but have pushed through because it’s been lovely to reflect on 16 years with my dear husband. However the rather frustrating fact remains that mental illness doesn’t really care if you’re trying to celebrate a…

THE BLESSING OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE

Today is a special day for my husband and me. Today we have been married for 16 years, sixteen beautiful years that have been full of love and joy, and yes, a lot of pain. The first time I remember meeting Steve, I was 15 and we were at a large group dinner arranged by…

WHEN MEDITATION BECOMES DISASSOCIATION

When do meditation and mindfulness cross the line and become disassociation?  Recently I started to wonder this when faced with painful situations; I have become an expert at taking myself to a happier place. During times when I am afraid, I can turn into myself, closing out the surrounding world and finding comfort in a…

WHAT 2 WEEKS IN A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL TAUGHT ME

A year ago I was close to being released as an inpatient at a private psychiatric hospital. As I was being admitted almost 2 weeks earlier the lovely nurse asked if I had been there before, I smiled through my tears and said “Yeah, but it was just to visit a friend – she was…

THE COMPLEXITIES OF SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety is complex, there are multiple things that contribute to the inability to want to socialise – plus just because someone can be outgoing and social does not mean that they feel comfortable doing so, at least, that is the truth of my case. This weekend was different for me, it was busy with…

13 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD KEEP LIVING

The Netflix series 13 Reasons Why has created a furore in the past few weeks. There are people staunchly advocating for it, there are people passionately against it, and there are many more who are just totally confused what the fuss is about and are unsure what to think. Personally I was disappointed in the…

WHEN RECOVERY IS THE QUESTION

Recovery. Why do you want it, why do I want it? What is the end result that comes with recovery? How do you achieve the seemingly exhausting and impossible goal of being recovered? It can seem that recovery is a question sooner than a statement. I admit when I first started this journey to recovering…

HOW TO GET ACTIVE WHEN YOU HATE EXERCISE

Let’s get something clear right from the start – I hate exercise, it’s way to akin to sport for my liking!  No, I will never be known as a gym junkie, you won’t see me sporting lycra and jogging down the road, and I am living proof that you can forget how to ride a…

EXCUSE ME?! I AM NOT “JUST” A MUM!

When people ask me what I do, I usually reply with a self depreciating “Oh, I’m just a mum”. Umm, please wait right there while I inner monologue, “EXCUSE ME?! ‘JUST’ A MUM?! What am I saying? No, I might not be working secularly at the moment, but I’m not “just” an anything. Why do…

TODAY, THERE IS HOPE!

I hit rock bottom one year ago today. How do I know it was rock bottom? I was voluntarily (somewhat) admitted to a psychiatric hospital. The culmination of a lifetime of fighting to heal my mental health my own way, and failing. There is no way I ever thought that I would end up in…