I’ve been really quiet on my blog recently. There are lots of reasons for that, life has been busy, my pain has been high, and emotionally I have felt quite a lot stronger, so I’ve had less to write about. But there is a key reason that shines above all the others, this blog was my safe place, a place where I could share my feelings and thoughts, and not fear reprisal or judgement. The people who follow me here just aren’t like that, even the few IRL friends who found this have been warm, and loving, and kind, and supportive.
But a few weeks ago, a random person who I have only met in passing some how found this blog, I have no idea how they managed to track me down, and tried to use my own words against me. They dragged my family into things, and tried desperately to manipulate me by using the words I had shared here. Words where I had been open and vulnerable. They challenged me and said that if I did not do what they wanted, then I was none of the good things that I claimed, and neither were my family.
It made me sick to my stomach, and set back my fragile mental health quite a bit. I felt as though that rug had been pulled out from under my feet, and then was being used to smother me. So after a few attempts to push through, I stopped writing and sharing. My safe place was no longer safe, it felt contaminated and I felt vulnerable and exposed, judged, lost, hurt, and so many other feelings I can’t really even put into words.
But in the past few days, I’ve received 3 emails where people have thanked me for sharing and being so honest about my journey with mental illness. I have been touched and it reminded me why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted to have a place to share, but I wanted to help other people in the way that I felt helped too – you know, when you read something and you think “I know just how they feel, I’m not alone in this!”.
So here I am. I’m writing again, I am going to attempt to share more often. I won’t let one manipulative person hurt me like that, I’ve had so many of these types in my life over the years, and I’ve not been able to fully escape them because of the bonds we share – but no longer will I let people play puppet master to my life.
Thank you to those who have encouraged me by sharing their own stories and relating how they felt reading mine. THANK YOU!