I don’t like to make plans.

I am not a fan of thinking too much about the future, which is ironic, since I worry incessantly about everything and anything, including the future and all the ways things could go horribly and irrevocably wrong. What I mean though is, I do not like to make plans for the future, I don’t want to give consideration to having an itinerary for my life.

Once I used to be a “list person”, you know the kind I mean? The person who has a dot point brief for everything, nothing left to chance, all contingencies considered. It was exhausting, and frustrating (mostly for other people). But these days I break into a cold sweat at the thought of making a list, writing things down feels so final.

I have lost my self confidence, my ability to presume that I can keep my word if I say I will be somewhere at a certain date and time. I feel as though my life has become very uncertain, that things tend to go awry when I try and be proactive and focus on the future.

Making plans means that I get frightened and horribly anxious. I am sure that the moment arrangements are made something bad will happen and make it impossible to follow through, letting people down makes me feel incredibly guilty.

It might not be terribly logical, but I prefer to try and surprise life and see what kind of nonsense it can make up without having specific plans to mess over. I really hate to make plans, thoughts of the future worry me too much.

Anyone else feel like this?

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Invisibly Me says:

    I get where you’re coming from! Especially since having a stoma, where ‘best laid plans’ always seem to get messed up because of health problems. That said, I still have this awful, incessant need to plan, to try to control, to know what to expect…so I haven’t quite worked out ‘going with the flow’ yet!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like some plans. I have routines but accepting invites anywhere worries me. So much pressure on me to then have to make it work.

      And for the WP Theme…Yes. I changed a few days ago. Wanted something different, I get bored! 😀 HAHA! Thank you!


  2. Invisibly Me says:

    By the way – New WP template? Really like it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Especially when making appointments to see Drs/psychologists/other health professionals. Feels like you’re setting up yourself to fail. Takes me an entire 24 hours prior to prepare myself mentally for stepping out of the house…But I guess the only things we can do is to forgive ourselves when we fail and to never stop trying

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to keep going despite the fear! I would liken that to doctors appointments! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I get this! Some things I just don’t want set in stone or provide an opportunity to get messed up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep! It can feel like you are courting disaster! :-O

      Liked by 1 person


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s